February 6, 2020
How to begin? It all started when I left my job about a year ago. It wasn’t a light decision to make but I was burnt out and needed a break. I was fortunate that my company provided a separation package and I had a master plan.
The blueprint included renovation and sale of the first home I ever purchased in metro Atlanta and then a gut renovation of a newly purchased home in Savannah. Both of those projects were immensely satisfying and I completed them by August of 2019. It was then time to turn to the next stage of the renovation: me. I had visions of visiting family and friends, hitting the gym 5x a week and blowing past my previous lightest weight of 216 lbs. all the while feeling progressively better mentally, emotionally and physically. How does that saying go, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry”? And awry barely describes how far off course I went.
Those that know me understand that I don’t sit still for very long. I often keep myself busy with side projects at work and there is always a personal project – either a vehicle or a house – keeping me busy. Once I left the corporate world, I filled my time with the home renos. Both of those projects were in GA and my personal life is based in Boston. I was traveling a lot to manage both. So, when I finally settled down and stopped traversing the east coast, I was eager to start the next phase. It wasn’t too be.
I gave myself time to get caught up on sleep and relax a bit. Solid sleep was elusive and despite taking it easy for a few weeks, my energy levels seemed to continue their downward spiral. I was moody, lethargic and quite frankly, very depressed. I was dragging myself to the gym and going through the motions, but it was fruitless. My mood deteriorated and my weight continued to increase. My primary care physician was of no help. He took tests and insinuated a lot of the issue was in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the mind-body connection but no amount of will power/meditation/positive thinking was helping. It was time for a new approach.
First step: fire my doctor. He was not listening to me and liked to lecture me on me being patient and that what I was feeling was normal for a “man of my age”. Fuck that! I know my body and I knew something was off. I have been on and off testosterone therapy for years and I knew my tank was low. I started therapy again and would feel semi-normal for a few days after a shot and then it went downhill quickly from there. We are talking being on the verge of tears for no reason. Inability to focus, no desire to do anything and overall malaise. He didn’t care. I even checked my records to share the dosage of testosterone I had been on in the past. He was prescribing half of what I was used to and would not listen to my requests to increase the dosage. Doctors do NOT know everything. Find one that you trust and that LISTENS to you.
Second step: find a new doctor. Thankfully Boston has a plethora of doctors to choose from. I made an appointment with the guy that literally wrote the book on testosterone therapy. They ran tests and discussed all my options. When the results came in, my levels were 88 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL). Normal is considered 250 – 1100 ng/DL. No wonder all I wanted to do at the gym was crawl up in the corner and cry! And old doc said it was in my head! I was running on empty. Actually, I equate this to driving a car or riding a bike with severely underinflated tires. You will move but it will take a lot of energy to get anywhere. It is time to reflate.
I got my new dosage today and for the first time in MONTHS, I feel like there is hope. I have also just finished the book UNSTOPPABLE by Ben Angel. I cannot remember the last time I related to a story so much. Ben too was at wit’s end and his book takes the reader on a journey on how he was able to rise from the pits of depression and dismay by looking at his being as a system. A system that includes body and mind. I will be following his advice on biohacking my way to wellness and sharing it along the way.
I have already started the first step by discovering what my body was lacking to function. In my case, it was a hormonal imbalance. The second step involves testing for any food sensitivities to make sure my ‘clean eating’ isn’t detrimental to my process. For example, Ben was supplementing with coconut oil to help with focus and energy. His tests showed that he is sensitive to coconut oil. Not allergic but sensitive. It was enough that it was holding him back. I ordered a food sensitivity test from EverlyWell and will see if anything I am eating is less than optimal.
I also ordered a gut biome test from thryve. The idea is that probiotics are great but it makes more sense to understand what I am specifically lacking and supplementing with a custom blend rather than a one-size-fits all. Makes sense right?
Parallel to this, I just started supplementing with Nootropics. If that word sounds foreign to you, don’t worry. I had never heard it before either. See the definition below. I am using Qualia Mind that Ben recommends in his book. Two days in and it looks promising.
Nootropics (/noʊ.əˈtrɒpɪks/ noh-ə-TROP-iks) (colloquial: smart drugs and cognitive enhancers) are drugs, supplements, and other substances that may improve cognitive function, particularly executive functions, memory, creativity, or motivation, in healthy individuals.
I will also begin back on my 30 days of clean eating that worked for me in the past. I am hoping that once I get my hormones back to normal, I will have the energy to exercise properly at the gym to kickstart this new version of me. Then, based on the results of the gut biome test I’ll supplement with a custom probiotic. When the results of the food sensitivity test come back (2 – 3 weeks), adjustments will be made to my food intake. It sounds like a LOT because it is. But staying the course is not an option.
The ultimate goal is multifaceted: I want to regain the fire in my belly so I have the energy to function at a higher level which includes exercise to lose weight and the drive to design the next stage of my life.
So, the homo (sapien) renovation begins. If my experience remodeling homes is any indication, I will uncover some unexpected issues, it may take longer than anticipated but the end result should be worth all the effort. Stay tuned for updates and let me know if you have any questions along the way.
Awesome! I know all too well the real struggle of that “imbalance” . I too sought out a functional medicine doctor to get to the heart of the interior issues! Once in track, all cylinders were firing and motivation was what I ate for breakfast! You have the tools, the right guidance and you will come back brighter and stronger than ever!!!
Wow! I knew you could write but YOU CAN WRITE!
I was riveted… and given my attention space, or lack of, this is a huge compliment .
Your article is brave, honest and results driven rather than an endless stream of bitching .
I loved it – you can write so well and what you are offering is relevant. This article needs to be in Men’s Health.
You are too kind Terri. Thank you. It means the world to me.
I admire your persistence to find what’s right for you. Following the worn path is not the only option. Good for you. I’ll be following and cheering you on!!!
Your timing is impeccable! I’m convinced that I have some hormone imbalance and possibly food sensitivity issues, too. I had to ask my primary care doctor more than once for a referral to an endocrinologist and then had to wait 4 months for an appointment. I finally went this week. She basically told me everything I was feeling was normal for my age and losing weight was going to be hard. She handed me a pamphlet on the Mediterranean Diet and told me to join a gym! No tests or anything else. So disappointing! You have inspired me to keep pressing onward. Thank you and good luck to us both! Looking forward to your next post. 😊
Sadly, that sounds so familiar. I highly recommend the book Unstoppable. He lays it out so logically. Also, don’t give up! It is YOUR body. Listen to it! I’ll be posting updates soon!
For me, having a plan is an important first step! Always an ear here if you need to chat, vent, etc.❤️
Thanks Kim!
Joe, I know you can do this! So glad you took the time to really dig in and listen to your body and mind! ❤️